You Got Me Two!
by missionquestthing
Summary: Germany! Some scary guy kidnapped me and took me to his house! I ate some yummy food but they didn't let me see any women and then they stuck me in a box! Nordic nations. Sweden didn't just get Finland one, he got him two! Some light SuFin, Gerita, Spamano, FrUK (if you choose to see it that way). Sweden and Finland Family Humor.


You Got Me Two!

By missionquestthing

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Germany! Some scary guy kidnapped me and took me to his house! I ate some yummy food but they didn't let me see any women and then they stuck me in a box! Nordic nations. Some light SuFin, Gerita, Spamano, FrUK (if you choose to see it that way). Sweden and Finland main charcters. Humor. Family

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Italy awoke with a pounding on his door. It was waaaay to early for visitors so he hurriedly threw on an over shirt and ran to the door. On his step he found a tall blonde man that he vaguely remembered from the world meetings. Before he could ask what was wrong the tall man lifted him off the ground by the back of his only article of clothing.

"Vee~?"

"Hey asshole! Get your hands off my dimwit brother!"

The tall nation looked between the almost identical brothers. His intense stare making both of them nervous. Unable to distinguish which man was his target the man just grabbed the second man by the back of his shirt as well, although at least the second one had boxers on. The blonde man turned away easily holding both bawling Italies above the ground as he walked.

"Spain damn it! Where are you when I need you!"

"Germany! He's scary! Germany!"

~~~~Flashback~~~~

After a United Nations meeting the five Nordic nations decided to gather in the hotel bar and have their own separate meeting. It was much easier this way considering how far Iceland normally has to travel for Nordic meetings. They were discussing current relations with Russia when a tipsy France and a wasted United Kingdom spotted them and headed over. The Nordic nations stopped their discussion as France uncharacteristically helped the UK sit down.

"Oh my," Said France while still standing the half conscious nation, "This brings back memories, does it not Arthur?"

The surly nation just lifted his face slightly from the table and waved his hand back and forth in either acknowledgement or annoyance.

France slid into the chair adjacent to the British nation and continued, "Those days as the Allied Forces were so much fun! Well except for the time that they forgot to invite me. Remember all those times that we captured that adorable Italy?"

At this point no one knew whether Francis was talking to the sleeping Britain, himself or to them but Sweden asked, "Escaped?"

Although Sweden had been working hard for a long time to soften his expressions while communicating with others, he could tell that he had innerved France and even the sleeping Brit shuddered in his sleep. Finland rested his hand on Sweden's arm to silently encourage him and let him know that he did well.

"Escaped?" puzzled the Frenchman, the alcohol slowing his mental capacity, "Are you asking if the precious Italian escaped? Most certainly he did not! He may easy on the eyes but definitely not easy on the nerves. It was only a matter of time until one of us snapped and every time we did, we packed him up in a box and mailed him back to his darling German. Honestly I don't know how that man has dealt with him all these years! It must be love, right Arthur?" Francis asked while patting the smaller nations head.

The Brit just shifted slightly before muttering a world that sounded vulgar.

"Oh! That is right my love!" How could I forget? Every time we boxed up the Italian, America slapped the word 'FUCK' on the box!"

Iceland and Sweden just watched the reactions of the other occupants of the table. Iceland was dreading where this was heading whereas Sweden was intently listening, curious where this would head.

"Amazing! Were you guys listening! We can totally do better than that!" he shouts as he jumps onto the table, foot hitting the United Kingdom but not waking the poor nation, "lets make an amazing handmade trunk with our super furniture skills and use it to box Russia to America!" Denmark began burning with excitement, "We can solve our problems and have more fun than the lame Allied Forces ever had!"

The other occupants of the table, minus Britain, stared up at Denmark with expressions ranging from apathy to abject terror. Not one of them thought it was brilliant.

France stood, chuckling, to drag the now snoring nation upstairs to his room but Denmark, with a malicious grin, hoped down from the table and ran off to enact his plan, forgetting about his meeting and upsetting the UK's chair. The short blonde nation was knocked chair and all onto France, both of them hit the floor, the chair tangling their legs.

Britain opened his eyes to find himself on top of someone else, his face buried in their abdominals. Eyes following the plane of the body his eyes eventually made contact with Frances disoriented face. He stared at it for a few moments before he realized he was laying on top of France, in public no less! THAT was certainly not where he wanted to be! He tried to quickly pull himself back his tangled legs and fuzzy head resulted in him racking the man below him instead.

"Ouch! My love! That was uncalled for! I need that! I was only trying to help you!"

"Help me?! Help me with _WHAT_ exactly? You perverted bastard!"

"Shall I point out that it is you on top of me with your face near my naughty bits," snarked the longhaired nation, playfully wagging his eyebrow.

Sighing, Norway and Iceland went over to help the two arguing nations up and escort them to their rooms before they all got thrown out of the hotel.

When all of the noisy people were gone Sweden looked over at his 'wife' to see what he wanted to do since the meeting was evidently over. The younger nation seemed to be completely lost in day-dreamland.

"Tino?" Sweden asked in a, for him, worried tone but the younger nation didn't even stir to the use of his human name. Assuming that the young man was just really tired, the taller nation scooped up Finland and headed for the elevator.

"Hey, wh-" Finland blushed when he realized he was being carried bridal style through the bar, "Sweden! You are going to give people the wrong idea again!"

"Wrong idea?"

Sweden was the only person Finland knew that could look crestfallen and intimidating at the same time.

"Never mind," he responded quickly, "just put me down! I can walk!"

The taller nation complied but the disappointment was evident.

That night, before falling asleep, Finland looks over at his, his something, and smiles brightly. "Wouldn't it be fun to get to mail Italy? The Allies were so lucky," he sighs peacefully before drifting off to sleep.

The next day, as the pair headed home together, Sweden seemed even more quiet than usual. Finland hoped that he had not hurt the nation's feelings the night before and that he was just missing Sealand and Hanatamago. Just thinking about their little ones put a smile on his face.

"Mama!" Finland barely registered the voice before being tackled by the micronation. Sealand had been so small when Sweden adopted him that it was hard to admit that their little boy wasn't so little anymore. Finland patted the boy's head, which was almost level with his own, as Sweden came up behind Sealand and bear hugged them both.

"Papa!" Sealand volunteered to cook dinner while Finland watched Sweden happily play with their dog Hanatamago. Tino relaxed thinking that even he had to admit that all of them being together was fairly nice. He was also very glad that Sweden seemed to be himself again.

The next morning, Sweden wasn't in their bed or anywhere else for that matter. Finland realized that maybe he _HAD_ hurt the tall nation who always tried to protect him.

~~~~End Flashback~~~~

Finland had decided to take Sealand and the dog to visit his friend Lithuania. He figured his friend would distract him from worrying about the whereabouts of Sweden.

When he returned home later that night, he was relieved to see that some of the lights were on in the house. This relief was replace by confusion as soon as he opened his front door, though, Sweden was nowhere to be seen but in the middle of their living room where the coffee table should have been was two almost naked Italians both bound around their wrists and ankles.

Finland jumped when he felt strong arms wrap around him from behind. He recognized the familiar grasp just as Sealand yelled, "Papa!"

"We had so much fun today, Papa! Were you working?"

Sweden leaned forward until his chin rested on Finland's shoulder, "I got a present for mama."

Tino was about to demand what he was talking about before something dawned on him. Sweden had made it where he could box up and mail Italy! Even Better, the nation had brought him two Italies. Two of Italy meant _TWO BOXES_! The smaller nation was so excited that he actually whirled around and planted a light kiss on his partner's unsuspecting lips.

Finland never initiated _ANY_ kind of affection. Sweden was pleased and shocked. If only he knew it was this easy. He hugged his 'wife' and then ushered Sealand to bed with promises to listen to everything that had happened at Lithuania's house, leaving Finland alone with his presents.

With the scary nation gone, the blubbering brothers finally calmed down a bit. This nation seemed far more peaceful and reasonable than the last one.

"I demand an explanation and a phone call, Damn it!"

"Vee~ I'm sooo hungry! Pasta!"

Finland just smirked and turned to leave the room, crushing the hopes of the Vargas brothers.

"Where the fuck is that bastard when I need him!"

"Scary! Pasta! Germany!"

Minutes later, Finland returned to the room humming to himself and carrying two large boxes. The first box seemed to be stuffed with various papers and other supplies, which he promptly dumped onto the floor. He pulled some bread out of the second box and tossed some at the feet of the nearly nude captives. Having everything prepared, he went to find his partner.

~~~~Next Morning in Germany~~~~

Germany woke up, ate a light breakfast and dressed for his morning exercises. When he opened his front door there was a large red box with a yellow ribbon, a black bow and a tag. Inspecting the tag told him nothing because it simply said 'FUCK'. Shrugging off old memories, Germany examined the box again. It looked like a Christmas present or a birthday present, the problem was that neither of those was anytime soon. Opening the box, he found a tied up, almost nude, sound asleep Italy. Maybe today _WAS_ his birthday.

~~~~Midday in Spain~~~~

Spain opened his door after lunch to discover a large red and yellow…Christmas present? It had a large tomato shaped tag that strangely said only 'FUCK'. Opening the box he found his Romano clad in only a shirt and boxers looking so cute and vulnerable while sleeping soundly. He soon realized that someone had tied up the delicate nation; there were ropes on his Romano's wrists and ankles! Last time someone messed with his Romano he went to war, no one touches his Romano!

~~~~Evening in America~~~~

America opened a beautiful wooden chest that had been left in front of his house. Inside he found a really beat-up Denmark. He briefly wondered why someone would send him a man but then he noticed the awesome axe the man was clutching. Ripping the weapon away from the injured and unconscious man, America noted that it was in need of repairs before he can display it. Having already forgotten about the man in the chest, he shut it and headed out to get the weapon repaired and to pick up some burgers.

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All questions welcome. I hope this isnt too weird. I was trying to keep randomness to a level like in the anime. First hetalia fanfic and only second non romance oriented fic. yes there are pairings but they were not supposed to be the focus. This was started because my brother had a dream about the Nordic group feeling left out.


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